Why do some private donors only offer natural insemination (NI)

I understand why some people immediately assume evil motives when they see NI-only donors. As an admin I often see people join the black sperm donor group for the wrong reasons. And there is no doubt that some men join the group thinking it’s an easy way to get sex. What I’ve learned is these men try their luck for a bit, realize it's much harder than using a dating app and then move on. I don't know of any cases of someone joining the group with this mindset and becoming a successful donor.

Over the years, I have actually taken the time to talk to donors that started off NI-only or switched to NI-only later on. The reasons these donors give are rarely discussed whenever this topic comes up.

So in this post I will summarize several of the reasons (from most to least common) donors have shared with me for choosing to go this route.

Some recipient prefer or are open to NI

The overwhelming majority of recipients choose to use AI. However a major misconception some members have is that other methods are extremely rare or somehow unusual.

There is actually significant demand for NI from recipients. Some recipients are NI only (or would prefer NI with the right donor). There are many reasons for this including:

• The recipient is single, heterosexual or both

• some number of recipients in same sex relationships are open to NI/PI

• In some cases, recipients that have tried AI for a long time will decide to try other methods.

From the survey I did of recipients who got pregnant in the group in the last year, 11% reported using NI/PI only. Another 10% used a combination of NI/PI/AI. So about 20% or 1 in 5 recipients have used NI/PI during their TTC process.

Experienced donors feeling unappreciated or disrespected

I estimate that the majority of the NI-only donors in the group previously offered AI. Many stopped offering AI because of negative interactions they had with some AI recipients. The transactional nature of the process leaves some donors feeling exploited, unappreciated or disrespected. “I feel like a sperm ATM” is a phrase I’ve heard many times. They tell me that they don't have the same problem with recipients open to NI because for a recipient to be willing to do NI she will usually spend a bit of time to know the donor and see his human side.

Clarification: I'm not saying AI recipients are disrespectful in general. Just that many donors have reported that a small minority of them ruin the experience for everyone.

Stage fright

Some donors aren't able to bring themselves to ejaculate on demand. Being in an uncomfortable environment like a hotel or public bathroom while a recipient is waiting outside can be a challenge for some donors. Several have told me of horror stories where a recipient traveled great distances to see them and they couldn't produce the sample. This problem is a lot more common than people think. Some donors quit entirely after this happens and some switch to NI, and others keep trying AI.

Religious or spiritual beliefs

A small number of donors are opposed to conceiving via artificial means. They typically have religious and/or spiritual reasons for this.

Spermjacking recipients

There have been rare cases where recipients attempt (or succeed) to deceive donors about who's getting the sperm or they share the sperm with other people. This mostly happens with shipping but I’ve seen it happen with local AI as well. The donors this has happened to becomes extra vigilant or paranoid about AI in general and about who, where and how they donate.

Conclusion

People constantly underestimate how diverse the group is. A important reason there are more black donors in this group than all the sperm banks in the US and most other countries combined is because we embrace the diversity of our members. If we tried to force every donor to cater to the dominant segment of the recipient population, we’d have a lot less donors, less babies, fewer growing families.

Despite all the controversy around NI-only donors, we still have about 90% of donors in the group offering AI as an option. I strongly believe we should not be shaming donors or recipients for their choices as long as they are adhering to group rules.

The group policy on donation methods is designed to ensure that people get into mutually beneficial and consensual arrangements:

• Be honest about what your methods are and

• Don’t pressure others to switch methods

• If there's no match, find another donor/recipient.

We should be welcoming of any and all who are actually here to help. And direct our hostility to those who come to exploit, scam or hurt others.